Towards the end of last year I had a sort of identity crisis, an identity crisis with my blog’s logo specifically the font. In the logo, the profile drawing of a lady is me with a streak of red in my hair that is flowing backwards. My husband Wayne designed the logo and it is actually a throwback to a time when I had streaks of red in my hair. However, the font choice was a last minute decision because I was excited to give my blog an identity and I wanted to get the logo up as soon as I could.

 

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The mismatch of my logo and font bothered me because I felt what was visible to everyone was not what I wanted to express. To me, the font was flat and unexciting because it was selected carelessly. But it worked. Eventually I commissioned Graphic Designer Kristal Anderson-Begay, a friend and high school classmate, for a font makeover. She had reviewed my blog and various social media accounts and delivered a font that I feel more accurately showcases what I want my blog to be – curvy, bold, and fun.

 

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The logo revitalization comes at a perfect time. I am constantly thinking about this blog and what I really want to communicate. Like the old font, my blog has not reflected what I actually want it to reflect. It is missing a big part of myself.

 

I know I haven’t blogged much, but it’s because I am navigating my own personal dilemma about what I want out of this blog and what I want to share with all of you. Part of my hesitancy to blog more is because I’m not sure who I want my audience to be. This is generally one of the aspects of writing that you need – you write a resume for potential employers – you write a manuscript for a specific journal’s audience – you write a class essay for your teacher. I want to write for people like me. I want to write for people who have faced some of the same struggles I have faced with body image, self-esteem, healing, and sexuality. I want to write for my daughters so they can have examples of how to grow into a strong Native woman.

 

But some of these topics are not always easy to communicate or easy to read.

Some of these topics are heavy, serious, and critical.

 

This doesn’t preclude the types of posts that are more fun in nature such as my outfit reviews. In fact, writing about how we clothe our bodies is VERY important to me as I have personal experience in the lack of clothing options and it has shaped my ideas of fashion.

 

But Nicky, there are already other people who write about fashion, plus-size fashion, fatshion…

 

That is my inner thought that tries to hold me down and the type of thought that has prevented me from publishing 13 separate posts on my blog about various aspects of my life. Yes, there ARE great blogger activists like Jes of The Militant Baker and Chastity of GarnerStyle, two of many of my favorite bloggers, who have paved the way for body positivity and have challenged the fashion industry to be more body inclusive. However, Native American bodies have not been represented. In addition, Native American culture is often appropriated for the sake of fashion, which ultimately excludes the positive representation of actual Native American people and Native American designers.

 

As I embark and explore this other aspect of what my blog can do for me I hope you will be patient and supportive. The more established posts like outfit reviews will continue and are generally not so controversial. But everything else has the potential to be messy. Some of the things I want to write and share with you, personal experiences and various intersections of my life, are things that I may have only shared in close relationships or solely with my laptop…places where I know I can’t get hurt.

 

I believe that writing (and selective sharing) can be transformative and empowering. So, rather than be concerned of writing for a specific audience I am going to write for me. And hopefully people with similar interests will read my blog. I hope one of those people will be you.

 

The direction of my blog will change again in the future. When? I’m not sure. But I think that change is an amazing thing and having the ability to experience, to reflect and learn from experiences, and to grow is an ability I’m going to take advantage of.

-Nicky